Sensory over-responsivity, a form of sensory processing disorder, makes me overly sensitive to sensory input. Where most people are able to filter it and acclimate to it, it builds up in me to where there is layer upon layer upon layer of irritant. I don’t get used to it. It makes me raw, irritable, anxious, angry. The only way to end it, the only way to reset my brain, is to block out sensory input.

Chatter, loud youtubers, excessive/shrill laughing, coughing, snorting, mouth noises, snoring, whining, television, video reels, car engines, car horns, car alarms, garbage trucks, dogs whining, dogs barking, lawn equipment, doors slamming, washer and dryer, dishwasher, refrigerator, dripping faucets, microwave beeping, notification chimes, doorbells, smoke alarm low battery chirps, game sound effects and music, squeaking furniture, footsteps

It’s not just sounds. Bombardment from all senses combine. Alone they may be tolerable, but the more things I’m assaulted with, like being pelted with stones, the more painful the whole of it becomes. And the effect doesn’t end immediately when the source stops or goes away. It echoes as a sensory memory for a good while before fading away.

Glaring lights, blinking lights, electronic indicator lights, glowing screens, television, children flailing around, children pacing, animals bouncing around, people fidgeting, oscillating fan, things blown by the fan, clutter, trash, dirty dishes, spilled food, discarded clothes, stains, dirt on the floor, scratches and blemishes, my eyelashes, smears on my glasses, animated ads, animated gifs, movement in reflections

Maybe some of it is an attention issue as well as a sensory one. How many times do I turn my head to look at the reflection of the ceiling fan in the metal part of a paint brush? But if I didn’t see it, it wouldn’t snatch at my attention. If I didn’t hear someone speaking loudly in another room, my focus wouldn’t be diverted over and over. I wouldn’t have to grind the gummed gears of my brain to refocus over and over.

Vape, smoke of any kind, cooking food, burnt food, cat pee, dog farts, dog oil, cat litter odor, body odor, bad breath, dirty hair, dirty laundry, diaper pail, wet cat and dog food, hot car odor, cleaning products, bleach, laundry detergent, sharp perfumes, tap water, asparagus pee

I have never smoked anything in my life. Inhaling any kind of smoke is one of the worst feelings I have experienced, and I will never do it on purpose. I simultaneously like the smell of wood burning and experience a huge sensory discomfort from it. I can smell weed from down the street and around the corner with all doors shut in between and get a headache. (Not literally, of course, but I’d give a drug-sniffing dog a run for its money.)

Artificial flavor aftertaste, algae in tap water, Alka-Seltzer, sweetened coffee, excess saltiness, excess sweetness, wasabi, horseradish, thyme, hops, soy milk

Taste is the sense I have the least issues with. I will eat most things. Unlike most people, I seem to have more of an aversion to oversweet things than to bitter or spicy. Bland is boring. Several things, like thyme for example, taste like mold to me. Cilantro, on the other hand, is one of my favorite flavors.

Clothing (especially close-fitting), glasses putting pressure on the bridge of my nose and my ears, arm rests, clenched jaw, slouching, people bumping me, dog body slamming, others’ legs jiggling, bouncing on the bed, door slamming vibrations, car radio vibrations, breezes blowing hairs, cold air from the air conditioner, heat from electric devices, heat from the sun, heat from the oven, heat from the stove, itchy skin, CPAP air leaks, pressure from the straps, pain from ganglion cyst, eye irritants, smoke headaches, creamed corn texture, acid reflux, abdominal pain, unclean teeth, dampness, humidity, sweat, edema, stickiness

I’m not averse to hugs, as long as I’m not sensorily over-stimulated. I’m very averse to being shoved, hit, bitten, poked, or tickled, even gentle little kitty love bites. Yet I have been known to sit quietly through severe pain, like when my orthodontist cut into the roof of my mouth which was not properly numbed. He only knew because of my silent, involuntary flinch. I hate the feel of socks and shoes, but I equally hate the feel of things sticking to my feet. I can’t stand the feeling of oil on my hands when I touch a dog (and I love dogs). The feeling of dampness stays on my skin well after it has dried.

Because of all of this, solitary confinement and sensory deprivation tanks have always held a strong appeal. Being underwater with my eyes closed is heavenly. I sleep with my CPAP mask, sleep goggles, and ear pods. Ear plugs aren’t sufficient, unfortunately, because my brain chatter can only be quieted by focusing on podcasts. But that is a story for another time and another painting.

16×20 acrylics

Progress Snapshots